Zero

(I have always been fascinated by the concept of numbers and how they influence and identify language. I believe the romance started after reading a book, the exact title of which I forget. From what I recall it was “Language, Numbers and the Mind” or something like that. Over the coming months I intend to indulge in a flight of fancy about the numbers 0 to 10.)

 

No matter what you call it: goose egg, duck (as in cricket), love (as in tennis) Ciphra (Latin), Babu (Hausa), Nula(Czech), Sifr (Pushto), Meithen(Greek), Noll (Swedish), Shunya (Sanskrit) or Zero , it means the same thing—nada,zilch, zip,naught. Nothing.

You put a cardinal number after it, zero spurns it with the hauteur of a dowager. But you put it behind and it is an entirely different matter. It gains importance and strength as though through some osmotic process.  More zeros mean more power, which increases exponentially. A lowly number one with just five zeroes after it takes on an entirely different character with the addition of one more shunya, babu, ciphra or whatever.

For some people adding another zero is not all that difficult. There is a Spanish guy called Nadal, who instead of bull fighting plays with a ball, which he hits with a paddle called a racket. This is the only thing he does. Two weeks ago he spent seven days hitting the ball and earned over 3 million dollars. That is 3 followed by 6 zeros. His total worth is reported to be 80 million. You take one zero out, and he instantly becomes poorer. Take out six more and he becomes destitute.  Such is the power of zero!

Computer programmers are virtually impotent without zero. Computers are full of zillions of numbers—lots and lots of ones and zeros. When you type the letter ”A”, the computer representation is 0100001. I don’t understand this.  I wonder how many zeros and ones are required to represent this blog!

Guys who have scant respect for zero are the astronomers. For them a few dozen zeros more or less make no difference. They deal with astronomical figures (the pun was not intended). For instance they claim that the Andromeda Galaxy is 23,000,000,000,000,000,000 km away. Give or take a few zeros!  Since it is humanly impossible to deal with so many zeros in common parlance, the astrologers, to make our life easier, say that the same Galaxy is 2.3 million light years away. And a light year is the distance light can travel in one year. And light moves at a velocity of about 300,000 km each second. Just wondering how long it will take before I get to see the galaxy without the aid of a giant telescope.

Of all the mathematical symbols the zero is the most elegant and sensual. The triangle has sharp points, and the square is, well, square.  The zero represents the perfect circle.  (I know, I know, people are known to make them oval shaped. Sacrilege, if you ask me). It has a cosmic beauty. Consider the shape of a full moon or a setting sun. It is the epitome of perfection. Like eternity, it has no beginning, no end.

One would think that with all the glamor surrounding it, all people would like it. Not the cricketer. Nothing scares the batsman more than scoring zero and leaving the field in ignominy. In technical lingo it is called a ‘duck’. Many batsmen who had scored a duck in both innings are known to have contemplated suicide. While on the theme of sports, in tennis the zero score is called ‘love’. In other words at the beginning of the match, the umpire calls “love all”, which suggestion is promptly dismissed, especially when players like Djokovich and Nadal turn the tennis court into an arena reminiscent  of the glory days of Caligula and his gladiators. They fight until ‘death do us part’. “Love” is soon forgotten. Going for the jugular becomes the call of the day.

It is irritating to see that people use the term for less than noble purposes. For instance, I don’t like the word ‘Zero tolerance’. ‘No tolerance’ would have been sufficient. ‘Absolutely no tolerance’ has even more potency.  It is hilarious that some sour grammarian, probably suffering from dyspepsia,  coined the term ‘Zero article’ to refer to the absence of a definite article (a, an, the) before a noun.  

And the ultimate obscenity?  Zero balancing! I could have accepted it, with reluctance, if it had anything to do with accounting. No. It is “a manual therapy in which the practitioner applies finger pressure or traction to tense tissue to enable relaxation and reorganization. It has been described as “a bodywork modality that claims to balance energy and structure within the body”. Really??!!

In an article for Quack watch, entitled “Questionable Organizations: An Overview”, Stephen Barrett lists Zero Balancing Association as an organization which he views with “considerable distrust”.

There are many other aberrations. Space limitations do not permit me to elaborate on them all. But I have to mention Absolute zero! What balderdash! Zero IS absolute, my physicist friend!  You don’t say ‘sweet sugar’, do you?

To conclude.

Ideally, I should have dealt with the origin of the concept of zero. But I did not want to aggravate the people of Mesopotamia (parts of present day Turkey, Iran, Kuwait and Iran) India and the Mayans (if there are still any left) who all claim to have invented  the concept of  zero at some time or the other in ancient history.